I still remember you cooking me dishes.
Remember you sitting on the ground making dough at the grinding stone.
Memories of you walking and working in the kitchen are many.
Today, you are in bed, unable to recognize me.
I miss you telling me what is right and what is wrong.
I was your child and you made sure I got to eat all that I loved – the Ari Pappadams, the ladoos, and even eggs .
You made sure my favorite items were stocked when I reached for summer hols.
Today, you are in a world of your own, and it hurts to watch you like this.
You and Muthashan let me sleep till whatever time I pleased…
Stood by me when the rest of the world was angry with me for my tantrums.
You pampered me to the core in ways only you knew.
Today, you are in a world of your own, and don’t know how much I miss all that and more.
You made me run errands for you, but let me have things my way too.
You have always been a strong pillar of support
Mental strength like yours is hard to come by.
Today, you are in a world of your own and all the strength that I can gather ain’t enough to watch you like this.
You praised and appreciated my writing
Kept copies of the printouts and asked me to write more
Somehow that didn’t happen till now
You are getting ready to depart and I am writing this
Today it’s the irony.
You will never ever know how much you and he meant to me in my life.
I have been missing him more since you have been ill like this.
Today, you are in a world of your own, and I miss both your stories of olden times and you.
It hurts to watch you like this and the pain has become unbearable….
Watching him go I thought was the most difficult thing I had seen
I was wrong; watching you like this is far more difficult.
Today I ask what you or he did to have such a painful end….
You taught me some basics of cooking even as I posed as if I knew better.
Your praises for certain dishes meant more than any other praise.
I will forever remember your praises for my Pooris, Semiya payasam and Cake…….
Today you are in a world of your own and I miss all those times…….
I miss lying on your lap or beside you in bed hugging you tight.
You will forever be my amma, my ammamma and ma ……
No one can take it away from me ever…..
Today I miss all that and more.
Musings of Aditi Lakshmi 